Wow the emotions!

Warning:  this may be a little too honest, so forgive me if I share too much.  J

Ok I know I should have expected some emotions but honestly I didn’t know I would be this emotional!  At the beginning, I naively thought I could get through this without getting caught up in it all.  I mean I am helping a life right!?!  It should be joyous.  But honestly I am so sad right now.  I grieve for him because he is unable to have his bio family.  I feel a little of the pain he is going to feel his whole life. 

Also, when I was pregnant with my daughters I felt movement and kicks and knew everything was going to be ok.  I don’t have that with this adoption.  I have a son whom I already love and have given my heart to, in another country living another life right now.  It can feel so empty and lonely.   When you have a biological child you know they are going to love you, because they are your child, and they were made to love you from the moment they are born.  You are their world.  Not so with adoption.  There is always that fear of rejection.  They were made to love a set of parents who gave them up. 

And on top of that, for the adoption you are educated on the many ways your child is going to have emotional baggage (how could they not) and how hard it is going to be.  But I know I have a powerful God who works All to the good of His glory.  And the verse “I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  Jer 29:11 This is the verse I have picked out for him because it has so much promise and love in it. 

God has a plan for his life and I praise Him that I can be a part of it.  But it is hard and emotional and I just did not expect it.  I appreciate all who are praying for him and us through this whole process.

Why adoption and why China?

One of the main questions I received from people was why are you adopting when you have two girls already and why China?  If someone a year ago would have told me that we would be adopting a little boy from China I would have thought they were nuts!  To say it happened fast is an understatement.  I think a lot of things had to happen first before we heard the Lord whisper to us.  Actually, it felt more of a mental push but I can’t explain the exact feeling.  One thing that had to happen was our life had to be decluttered.  I have for a long time felt the pull of adoption.  It just seemed like something I would need to do in my life, but I was too busy with my social life and organizing activities.  I won’t go into it here but many of you know how the Lord took away all those distractions. 

I had talked to Dan before about maybe adopting but his heart was not open to it….yet.  I was feeling the push to adopt more than ever around June 2011, and brought it up to Dan.  I knew nothing about adopting and did not know if I wanted domestic, South America, or Africa.  And actually I knew at the time I did not want China. ( After just writing that I can see how God has a great sense of humor!)  But I digress.  I was interested in a boy because we have two girls and I just knew Dan would be an amazing father to a little boy. 

I remembered when I brought it up to him; it was not a straight no.   He started stressing about the money and so I assured him that it would be in another year or two before we even started (again God has a sense of humor).  So not knowing what was going to happen, he told me to research it.   

June 13-2011 I talked with a friend of mine who adopted a beautiful little girl from Kazakhstan, Rebecca Hyde.  Told her what we were thinking, but that we did not know where to start.  She was the first one to tell me about how China has little boys in orphanages with special needs.   I told her that I was not really interested in China (hahaha).  That night she sent me a link rainbowkids.org to help with my research.  It has information about adopting and it also has a waiting child list.  It is a list of children all over the world who are waiting for homes. 

I started to look at the waiting list and saw hundreds of kids that I felt empathy towards, but nothing more.  Then June 16-2011, I saw his picture! 

 I felt something immediately draw me to him.  I needed to show someone and sent his info and picture to Rebecca.  I was so scared to talk to Dan because I was only supposed to be researching!  Plus, this little boy, who I was sooo drawn to was cleft lip and palate.  Dan and I had not even talked about this special need.  I just knew he was going to say no.  But he didn’t!!!  This is one of the ways I knew God was working in our lives, because anyone that knows Dan, knows that he was very happy and content with his two girls and was not looking to add any stress as he calls it.  I don’t want to talk for him and how he felt and this post is long enough!  But basically Dan decided to take a chance and had me request his information.  And to make a loooong story short, we have decided to trust God and pursue this little guy who is in a Chinese orphanage!  It has all been amazing and a miracle financially thus far!

Brand New to this

I have never had a blog and have no idea what I am doing:)  But I am hoping that this will be a good way to keep everyone up to date with what is going on in our lives.  Which right now is adopting a little boy from China!