The Rollercoaster of Adoption!

Cole hanging with his buddies doing some Man's work!

              

 

Don’t get me wrong, I love adoption and I really want all the children in orphanages and foster homes around the world to have homes.  But one thing I underestimated was how hard it can be.  As I type this, I would even love to do it again!  Adoption is a rollercoaster of emotions, starting with the paper chase and waiting to get your child.  One day you feel great and you can conquer the world to the next day hour wondering what you did to your family and this poor child who you only wanted to help, but they don’t want your help.  So here are some of the difficult lessons I have learned… Now I know not everyone deals with these in adoption.  But I have seen a lot of other parents go through these and so much more, so I know I am not aloneJ

 

1)       Adoption is much more difficult than having bio children.  I had a tough time when I had my first daughter.  There was the hormone issues, being tired all day, and not knowing how to take care of a baby.  It seems I have had all those issues on top of the fact that Cole is a two year old with a history of pain and hurt that will take a lifetime of work to heal. 

2)       At some point in your adoption your child that you want to help and love will reject you.  How could they not with all the hurt they already have in their short lives.  Even when you know it can happen, it does not feel good and it is not easy to take.    Cole will want to curl up into a fetus position and cry on his own.  I have to force myself on him and make him let me hold him.  He will push away, hit, try to scratch my face and kick.  There is a part of me that wants to put him down and move on with my own life.  Fine!  If he does not want me then I won’t force it.  But that is what I can’t do.   I have to hold him through it all and show love through it all.  He does not know how to handle his own emotions and this is the way he has learned to survive.   Also, it took Dan a month before Cole would go to him.  We called it Groundhog Day, after that movie where every day is the same and you are starting at one all over again. 

3)      You must put aside all of your own needs, your spouse’s needs, and other family member needs aside for a short time.  And they all have to be patient as you do this.  Again, I can’t say it enough, you are not adopting a child, you are adopting a person with their own personality that you had nothing to do with molding into who they are.   A person who has had more hurts in their little life than most people do in a lifetime, and someone who did not ask for you.  You are not superman coming to save the day in this little person’s life.  You are a stranger who has stolen them from the only life they have ever known.  You smell funny, look funny, and talk funny.  I felt bad but for a while, I could not be the Mom my girls needed because I had to help Cole with everything.  I thank God that they were patient and understanding but it was still hard.

4)      Even when things are going great…they are not.  We have had a great smooth adoption I thank God for.  But since Cole’s surgery there has been some really hard times.  He wants to cry and throw fits on his own but I can’t let him.  I have to hold him through it.  He has lost the only coping ability he had.  Sucking his three fingers and playing with his belly button.  Because he cannot suck his fingers, he can’t go to sleep.  It is now an hour long battle or more each night.  And he now has night terrors and will cry and thrash throughout his sleep. 

5)      You can’t be selfish.  I did not realize how selfish I was until recently.  I like my creature comforts and my sleep.  I like to have me time and I really like to have no one else in the bathroom with meJ.  This has been a battle for me.  I hate wearing shoes in the house.  I don’t find it comfortable and would rather just wear socks.  But I have a little man in the house who must have went to an orphanage or foster home that shoes were most important.  He will make me wear my shoes and that is the first thing he wants on when he wakes up.  You may be asking how a two year old makes a grown woman wear shoes.  It is simple…perseverance.  He will follow me around the house with my shoes screaming and crying at me if I don’t put them on.  I will explain to him Mommy does not need shoes and yet he insists.  So know I oblige him and just suffer with the shoes.  It is not worth the battle at 7 in the morning and I can get to that first cup of coffee so much sooner and quieter. 

6)      You cannot go off on how you feel.  Due to lack of sleep I have been very emotional and moody.  I want to just sit in a dark room and cry.  I would probably just fall asleep if I did that thoughJ.  I can’t let that affect my parenting or how I treat my husband.  Do I fail?  Absolutely!  But I must remind myself that life is not about emotions and that I must continue no matter how I feel. 

7)      You must be willing to sacrifice.  That clean house you always wanted?  Hah!  That new sports car (sorry Dan not going to happen!).  Makeup on, your hair done, clothes that look great and match.  Hmmm  Nope.

8)      Piggy backing on the last one…forget the idea of a clean house.  If your friends judge you on it, they can clean it themselves.  J  I am busy shaping a life, comforting a child and teaching a child what love is and I don’t have time for laundry or clean dishes.   He follows me ever where and wants me to pay attention to him at all times.  And you know what!  He deserves that because he did not have his Mama for two years!  We are making up for lost time here.  Now for those of you worrying…

9)      You must still discipline but you have to learn a whole new way of doing it.  With my girls if they were disobedient I spanked them(please don’t go into debate on whether spanking is good or not).  I can’t do that with Cole (not yet anyway..hehe).  Just kidding.  I am trying to teach him trust, respect and love because he does not already have that skill like my girls did.  I am trying to teach him the difference of what a Mama and a care giver is.  There is a fragile bond there.  So instead of spanking or time outs we have to do time ins.  Where he is forced to be with me.  You know some people would consider that cruel and unusual punishment in itself…lol.  I am still learning how to discipline him and it is hard!

10)   You have to have perseverance.  You can’t give up no matter how much you want to.  Each and every day is a new start and a new day! 

11)   You must forgive yourself for past mistakes and thoughts you have.  There is a huge learning curve here and you can’t beat yourself up.  Your child is in a better place than where they come from no matter how much you feel like you are failing.  And we all have had negative thoughts but you can’t let them rule your life and you can’t dwell on them.  You must move on.

12)   I need the Lord every second, minute, and hour of everyday!  I could not get through this without Him.  I thank Him for all the lessons he is teaching me with the adoption of Cole.  I believe he is making me a better person, mother and wife.  It has not been easy but usually the best things in life are not easy.  Even in my darkest hours I need to remind myself that I am blessed and that I have a great life!   I have hope and salvation!  And if Cole can learn about the love and salvation of Christ, then every hardship will be worth it!  I praise God through the storms of life! 

Heartland Video

Our church did a video on us because of Financial Peace and the adoption.  You can go here...
http://vimeo.com/48489138

And the password is heartland if you want to see it.:) 

Cole's Surgery!

Cole’s surgery on his lip was scheduled for August 27 at 7am.  We had to be at the hospital at 5:30am which I am not sure why because the nurses did not even get to the hospital until 6am.  I had a hard time sleeping the night before not knowing how the next day was going to go.  But he seemed happy to be just going anywhere with us not caring about the time. 

 

This is in the lobby before surgery waiting for them to come and get us.  He loved playing with Nonnie's glasses while he waited. 

 

 

Here is Daddy helping him get dressed for his surgery.  We were all a mess inside but did a good job acting like everything was ok.

 

Because Cole is adopted and we had only been home for 3 1/2 months, it was advised by other people who have adopted and gone through surgeries, to go into the OR with him until they put him under. And to also be the first one he sees when he wakes up.  I asked one of the nurses about this and she seemed very put off by my request.  I was a little upset because of the comment she made.  “We do this all the time with adopted kids and we know what we are doing”.  She did not want me to go back there at all.  I bit my tongue, which was hard for me, but I wanted to snap back...  Are you there when they go home and have attachment issues?  Are you there when the child is struggling because abandonment is a normal for them and they have never had a constant caregiver who was always there to comfort?  But instead I talked to the anesthesiologist.  She was very apprehensive at first and I could tell that she did not like the idea either.  But eventually she agreed to it, if I would follow two rules.  1) Do whatever she tells me to do and don’t get in the way  2) Leave when I am told to leave.  Also, I had to wear what is called a bunny suitJ

Cole did not like how I was dressed and kept trying to take the stuff off.

That is my Mom in the background.  I thank God she was there because Dan had to go into work that day to finish something on a project.  Also, she is a wealth of information because she had to go through these exact same surgeries. 

So I was able to walk with him to the OR.  I felt so horrible because he was so trusting in me.  He held my hand the whole way down never not trusting me.  I felt like I was leading my little lamb to slaughter.  I know that is a bit dramatic but that is how it felt.  Also, I know he needs these surgeries to better his life but I did not know how hard that was going to be.  It is one thing knowing a child you are adopting needs surgeries.  It is another to have your child you love need surgeries. 

Once we got to the OR, I laid him on the table and he just laid there and looked up at me.  I could tell he knew something was up but again he trusted me.  He started to get a little anxious so the anesthesiologist went ahead and put the mask on him.  He started screaming and I had to hold him down until it kicked in and he went into dreamland.  Oh yea I felt horrible for it but again knew it was best.  I then left the OR and went back to the room where we are supposed to wait.  The surgery took longer because they could not find an IV spot very easy and because they were putting in a spinal block for another part of the surgery I have not talked about much.  The spinal block failed because of a dimple on his back and this ended up causing him great pain.  Each of the surgeons came in and talked to us and gave us updates but I can hardly remember what they each said because my mind was numb. 

Finally, they came and got me.  I was so relieved because he had not woken up yet. 

I felt so bad for him because his face was all swollen.  When he started to wake up, he was crying and flailing about.  He ended up hitting his nose with the arm restraints.  The nurse had me climb into bed and hold him.  He immediately looked up at me and fell back to sleep.  I am so thankful they let me go in before he woke up because I was able to comfort him as his Mamma should.  It made me feel so special and loved that I meant that much to him.  We then had a hard time waking him up because he wanted to stay asleep.  When he did start to wake up it was because he was in so much pain.  We had to give him a narcotic to help ease the pain. 

They sent us home that same day.  He hated the arm restraints so much that it caused more of a problem than a help.  He would scream and flail because of them.  I was afraid he was going to hurt himself with them.  So I took them off and told him that if he touched his face I would have to put them back on.  He was so good.  Every once in a while he would start to reach for his face think twice and put his hand back down. 

Dan came back to the hospital after the surgery and decided to not go back in that day because we really needed his help.  He had to run to the store to pick up prescriptions, juice, Q-tips and much more.  He also picked us up some lunch.  The rest of Monday was very rough!  I cried, my Mom cried and Dan cried because Cole was in so much pain the whole day.  We just felt so bad for him.  I had to hold him the whole time and could not put him down.  The only way we could get him to eat the first three days was liquid through a syringe. 

Our girls stayed with a friend Sunday night, and was going to stay with them Monday night, but I needed their help and needed them home.  I am so thankful I did have them come home because as soon as they walked through that door, Cole’s demeanor changed.   I did not think of it at the time, but Cole was in an orphanage and foster care.  He had seen his “siblings” leave all the time.  When they came back home, he was so happy to see them and to see that they had not left.  I love how much he loves them and vice versa! 

The first three days were the hardest.  He did not want me to leave him ever and I could not sleep at night because I had to give him medicine every four hours, he cried constantly in his sleep, and I had to make sure he did not hit his face.  I was an emotional wreck by day three.  He was starting to be ornery again so I could tell he was better.  So when Dan came home that day at 6pm, I went straight to bed.  I sleep a peaceful two hours and woke up feeling better.  We had some awesome friends come over and make us a meal and help tidy up the kitchen and entertain Cole while I slept.  Thanks Delgados!  Also, I had a friend Michelle who came earlier that day to help us out!  And a friend bring us a meal Tuesday!  I really needed all their help and I am very appreciative of it. 

 

Something also very interesting was that he did not want to take his shoes off.  They were new ones that we had bought for him at REI, and he refused for them to come off. 

Here he is showing them off!

 

 

 

 

 

Cole and I had cabin fever by the end of the week so on Sunday we all went to the zoo.  It was rainy and we all got wet but had a lot of fun:)

 

I think Dr. Sadove did a great job!  Cole's next surgery is supposed to be December 10th to close the palate.  Then he will have a nose revision around 4 years old. 

 

 

 

 

 

Update!

We have been home 2 1/2 months now and I know I am due for an update with pictures!  Things have been going great.  Cole has really become a great part of our family and we are so thankful to have him.  We have his surgery scheduled for August 27th and I am a little nervous. 

I need to give a great big praise to God!  From the day we knew we were going to be adopting Cole ,Dan and I, began praying that God would prepare Cole's heart for us and that he would bond with our family.  It is not unheard of people having problems with attachment and attachment disorders that can tear a family apart.  We have had none of those issues and I need to thank God for it.  He does eye contact with us, loves hugs and kisses, and is just as much a part of our family as our bio girls are.  He sleeps through the night and takes naps.  Sure we have had difficult times and difficult days but with God's strength we get through them.  I do believe that God has answered our prayers! 

OK here are some pictures:)

This is Cole on his first hike! He seemed a little confused as what to do. When in the house he was everywhere and into everything so I expected him to run his energy out. I did not take into thought that he never had been in the woods and would be so amazed by everything that he would actually be calm.

He saw we all had hiking sticks and wanted to steal Daddy's.

I don't know why there is a big space here!  I have been having issues with the blog and I am tired of trying to make it look right!!!  :)

He wanted to do what Daddy was doing.

He is just so adorable!

Busy, busy, busy!

I can't believe how I can be so busy and get nothing done!  I have forgotten what it is like to have a two year old in the house who is into everything.  As some of you know we had to visit the ER for Cole's toe.  He smashed his little toe next to his big toe on our heavy mahogony chair.  The best way to describe it is to compare it to a smashed grape.  It would not stop bleeding, and because of this, and the fact that he had been home less than two weeks, and I did not know if he had a blood clotting issue, and the Dr. office was closed, I decided to take him to the ER.  Of course there is nothing they could do other than give me a peace of mind.  I am glad I went because it bled for three days straight (just enough to go through the bandages) and I would not have slept at night if not:) 

We went to his first Dr. apt. May 25 and had blood work done.  He was such a trooper and barely cried.  Of course the sucker in his mouth the whole time helped.  I am also very excited to say that he is a healthy little boy!  No heart problems were detected and he does not have Hep B or Hiv...YEA!!!!  Our pediatrician thinks he is right on level with his peers.  Which is great for being raised in an orphanage, even with a foster family. 

Another bit of news is we went to see his surgical doctor Dr. Sadove and we have a tentative surgury date for his lip!  July 30!  I am very nervous and excited for this next step.  Dr. Sadove said that normaly they like to keep their patients over night but that he could go home that day so that way he would be more comfortable.  I think it was because Cole would not sit still for the whole visit but was running around and yelling:)

Sorry there are no pictures but I am unable to connect my camera right now.  I would love to show the pictures I took this last weekend when we took him to Morgan Monroe State Forest to explore.  It was so much fun but honestly he looked a little confused as to what he should do.  He knows that when he is indoors he can cause trouble and have fun because that is an enviroment he is comfortable with.  But outdoors he is still learning how to have fun.  It is not something he is used to and I know through time he is going to learn real fast:) 

I can't explain how much I love this little guy and how much he has added to our family!  He makes me smile and laugh all day long and his sisters too.  They just adore him even when he does bother them.  I can't promise after seeing what we have seen that our family is complete but for the time being it feels complete with him.  He has added something to the family that was missing!

Sorry I have not posted in awhile!

I am sorry about that.  Life got crazy!  Wednesday night we had a foot massage for a hour and a half for only $15 each.  Dan, the girls and I all had one and it was not only a foot massage but a back, leg, neck and arm massage.  It was awesome!  It might have relaxed me too much or maybe toxins in the body I don't know.  I do know that the guy who was massaging me kept commenting on

how tense I was.  Hmm I wonder whyJ  The girls absolutely loved it!  Anyway the next day I felt nauseas and exhausted and did not want to get out of bed at all. 

We had our American Consulate appointment and everything went great.  He was sworn in and I can’t remember at all what we said.  We went shopping a little but I felt so bad that I just wanted to go back to the hotel room and rest!  And so we did.  I did nothing the rest of the day or night.  Dan went and got Pizza Hut because by this time I was so tired of the food and costs.  Food is not cheaper in China unless you like bone, beak and fat!

Friday we did some shopping and we wanted to get another massage but ran out of time and was up late packing getting ready for our flights the next day. 

 Now by Saturday we were done with China.  We had a great time while there and have some fond memories but we just wanted to get back to America where we have personal space, restrooms that are for the most part clean and not stinky, where there is good food and variety that does not cost a fortune, where we can drive again, where we can see the sunset, and where the air smells great!

 The Beijing airport was very stressful and no fun!  We were very frustrated with several things.  For instance, our stroller that we checked at the gate was sent to baggage claim because we were to slow getting off the plane.  What!?!  We had three kids and I did not think we did that bad of a job.  So not only did we have our carry ons to handle but we had a two year old who wanted to run free in the airportJ  And then we had to go back through security and there was even more security right before we got on the plane. 

 Other than those stresses, the flights were great.  Cole slept most of the long flight so I can thank God for that!  What was really cool was when we were landing in Washington D.C. there was a beautiful sunset!  It was awesome and that is where I realized I had not seen a sunset in 2 and ½ weeks.    

 That is also where Cole became a U.S. citizen.  I wanted to take a moment and weep and enjoy the moment but we only had 2 hours to get through immigration, customs and security to make it to our next flight.  It was a bit harried but we made it.  The last flight was the shortest and hardest.  Cole at this point was done with flying and not being able to run around.  We made it but it was stressful. 

 My Mom was there to greet us with a sign that I absolutely loved.  Because it was midnight when we landed there was not a big welcoming committee but that is ok.  Dan’s parents came and helped us load everything up and get us home.

 I had to stop off at Taco Bell though and it never tasted better!  Mmmmm.  Thanks for all who have prayed for us!  I really appreciate it and we are so thankful to have Cole home!  He is a perfect addition to our family.  I will try to continue to post for those interested in how he is doing and for his upcoming surgeries. 

                                                               This was our first flight.

                                                            On our second flight.

 

                                                          Cole becoming a U.S. citizen.

                                                           He is very happy about it:)

My Mom meeting us! I had mentioned to her that I really enjoyed seeing our name on a sign when we got off a plane and having someone picking us up. I loved her sense of humor:)

Back in the Indiana! Very happy and tired. Our whole trip took about 28 hours!

Cole's very first play date. He had a great time and loves our trampoline!

Dan's a Genius!

Ok so Dan is a genius but we will get back to that:)  Today was the day that Cole's TB was checked.  It was fine and there is no need for anymore testing!  Yay!
We then went to Western Han Nanyue King's Tomb Museum.  It was awesome!  The girls absolutly loved it and did not want to leave.  It is over 2,000 years old.  It was discovered when they were building the China Marriott and the site was being excavated.  It was completly intact with all of its treasures.  We were able to go into the actual tomb!  It is not really big but to be able to step inside somewhere that was made 2,000 years ago, that's awesome!  And again the girls really got a big kick out of it.  I recommend it to people just to check out and the price was great!  It was only 37rmb (around $6) thats all together not per person, the kids were free and we only had to pay for the adults. 

This is front of the medical checkup building where Cole passed his TB test.  We knew he was a smart kid;) 

This is the top part of the tomb that was discovered after moving 65.5 feet of dirt from a large hill. 
The large stones was from over an hour away and they have no idea how it was cut from the mountain or moved here.

This is Donna Rose in the tomb reading something.  Like I said she really liked it!

Dan standing in the doorway exiting the tomb.  That is the original door.  So cool!

One hundred years ago they built something on the hill not knowing what was beneath it.  here we are standing next to it.

Ok and now here it is...Dan is a genius.  He figured out that the hot pot used to heat water for tea, coffee, and , water can be used to boil spaghetti!!!  We had sticker shock when we payed $70 for Italian food that was not that amazing.  So Dan came up this idea and it only cost $7.  Yes that is alot for spaghetti with sauce but it is a lie that everything is cheaper in China!


We had some pretty monumental moments today.  Today a chinese lady at the hotel picked up Cole and he started to cry and reach out for me.  I love to see him want me!  Even though my arms and back are killing me because he is no tiny boy:)  We took him toy shopping for the first time in his life and let him pick out some toys.  He was a tasmania devil and had so much fun until his brain could take no more and he broke down.  Back at the hotel room he was playing with Dan's shoes and trying to put them on.  And then tonight when I went to put him to bed he did not cry but instead he started to suck his fingers and play with his belly button (yes, that is what he does to comfort himself).  But no tears!!!!  He seemed happy and content and went to sleep right away! 

So overall today was a good day!

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day to all the Mom's out there.  Our Mother's Day is just ending and yours is just beggining.  Crazy to think about.  I am very tired right now and it is not yet 9pm.  We had a fun day shopping on Shamian Island.  During breakfast today, we introduced ourselves to another family who was adopting two girls.  They already have two girls back home, so now they will have four girls.  They are pretty amazing people!  We really liked this family and a family friend, who was awesome enough to join them and help them out.  We found out that we were all going to the same place so we decided to do a dinner date.  We ended up running into them early and doing some shopping together.  It was funny to watch Dan and this guy haggle to get the best prices.  Rose you would have loved it:) 

We had a great time today.  There were some moments that were rough but tomorrow is a new day!   :)  Plus, unfortunatly I feel like I may be starting to get sinus problems.  So please pray that it is just from being tired and not getting sick. 

All the kids are sleeping right now and Dan is out and about on a diaper run.  I just hope he can find some because I think we have only one!

By the way Michelle, Cole loves porridge so if you can add that to the shopping list:)  Thanks for all  you do!!!!

Here is Cali and Dan doing the one, two, three, lift.   Cole loves this!  My arm started hurting so Cali and Donna had to help.

He has really started to bond with BaBa (Daddy in Chinese) and whenever you say Baba Cole looks for Dan.  He also looks for me when we say Mama and the girls when we say tei tei(sp).  It is very cute.  By the way for those wondering right now we call him ColeXiang.  Pronounced ColeShung.  It is close to his original name Chenxiang and he answers to it.  Except when he does not want to listen.  Then all of a sudden he does not know his name, or any other words be it in English or Chinese:)

Yes Dan had to have it!  Chris Coston this just may be your gift!!!   hahaha

Oh Boy!!!

Yesterday was very intersting.  Good news is he is getting used to us and his personality is coming out more.  Bad news is he is getting used to us and his personality is coming out more:)  He is a handful.  Right before we were to get on the plane to come to Guangzhou he had a major tantrum.  His sisters had to potty but he wanted to keep walking.  He did not want to wait for them to come out and started screaming at the top of his lungs.  Now we are already stared at because we are white Americans.  Then we are stared at because we have a Chinese child who is cleft lip and palate.  Imagine the looks I got when he started screaming.  I had to go to the family style bathroom and let him scream away.  I think they could still hear him throught the airport.  At least I know he has good lungs!  :)  He finally calmed down and it was last call for boarding by the time I got back to the plane.  So by the time we were getting on the plane was packed!  Not one seat was next to each other.  So while boarding I think I scared the chinese flight attendants because they wanted to put our carry ons under the plane.  I said no.  They somehow magically figured out a place to put them on the plane.  They tried to sit the girls seperate from each other.  I gave them a look that made them move people around until the girls could sit next to each other and Dan and I was two seats behind with Cole.  I had paid for a seat for him but did not get it!  By that time I was in tears due to stress.  But Donna Rose really stepped up and took care of Cali and became like a little adult in a second.  So that was cool to see.

Going back to Cole's personality.  He is very fiesty and high energy.  He is also very ornery and if you are telling him to not hit (in Chinese) he will smile at you as he goes to hit.  And then laugh when you try to stop him.  I have to admit it is very funny and I try hard to not laugh at him and encourage him but I have failed.  He goes around the hotel room and makes huge messes.  He loves to throw stuff in toilet so you never know what you are going to find.  We have learned to keep the bathroom doors shut. 

This is us right after we arrieved in Guangzhou.  We made it!!!!  It was also a very rough flight because there was really bad turbulence.

I think the girls have really enjoyed the trip thus far:)

Because of his restlessness we have been reprimended by the hotel twice and at the medical checkup.  Dan and I may just be going off on someone in China because how do you tell a two year old little boy who just wants to play, to not run or have fun after you just rocked their world?  Dan said next time he is going to pick Cole up, who will scream because he is being stopped, and just stand next to the person:)  hahaha  we will show them;)

The medical check up was today and everything went great.  Also, before I go I must tell you about our awesome hotel room.  When we got here there was no room with a king size bed avaibable.  We told them we had to have a king size bed in case Cole had to sleep with us (which he has not because I finally have him sleeping in a crib).  The only room open at that time was a suite.  We are having to pay more a night but it is sooo worth it.  It is huge and totally worth the cost.  We did get a great deal though for those wondering! 

This is the living room/ dinning room.  This is where the girls are sleeping.

Please forgive any typos.  I did this as fast as I could while Cole sleeps and Dan took the girls to the pool!!!

Orphanage visit 2

This is a picture hanging up on the wall of the foster parents house.  The look Cole is giving in this picture is a look he gives alot.  He has a very fiery and fiesty personality!  It cracks me up but I know it is going to be a blessing and a curse.  He has no problem giving his thoughts and opinions!  And to be honest, I really like that about him.  He seems like a survivor.

This is the room that the whole family sleeps in including the parents.  I can see now why he is such a deep sleeper:)  They have one sleeping room, one living room, small kitchen and a bathroom for six kids and two adults.  I don't think we Americans sometimes know how blessed we are!

This is in the living room.  We are smiling but inside we were really sad. 

In front of the orphanage.  I know we can't help all of the orphans in the world or even this one orphanage but we can and will help one.  We already love Cole and are very thankful he is in our life.  Everyone talks about how we are blessing him but already he is blessing us!  I thank God for this experience in my life and I pray that I can become a better person and a better Mom through all of this.  I thank the Lord that we have the freedom to have as many kids as we want in America.

Tomorrow we will be leaving the province he was born in and abandoned in.  It is bittersweet in that we are closer to coming home and starting our new family life at home but sad because he is leaving the only life he has ever known.  I really do think the orphanage is a good place or as good of a place it can be.  I think they truelly love and care for the kids the best they can.  I believe the foster parents love the kids and are caring loving people even though I did not meet them.  

I know my kids was affected by this and I pray it is for the better.  I really want them to understand how blessed they are and how blessed we are.  I hope we teach them that to whom much is given, much is expected. 

Orphanage visit

It was a huge debate on whether we should visit the orphanage or not.  We did not want to do anything to hurt our relationship that we had been building with Cole but also did not want to miss an opportunity.  After some very helpful people who had been here before gave some great advice, we decided to go visit the orphanage.  I was nervous a little but not much.  I was not sure what to expect. 

 We first got there we were showed around a little.  They have a toddler room and I asked why all those kids were not in foster care like Cole.  Our guide told us the reason was because there were not enough foster parents for all the kids who need one.  The special needs kids like Cole who needed more one on one got foster parents first. 

Not the greatest of pictures but this is for Jane.  Jane is a another adoptive Mom who is waiting to get her little one.  She is with the same agency as us.  She asked us if we could take a care package to her little girl and I was very happy too!  This is us delivering it to the orphange and them promising to give it to her.  :)

I am going to ask that the rest of the pictures I am going to show never be reproduced or used.  I just put that up as precautionary because there has been problems in the past with people using pictures and the government finding out and then not allowing other parents to take pictures.
We were told to not take pictures expecially in the baby room but while in there the nannies   recognized Cole and started to ohh and ahh over him.  I found out that he had spent the first year of his life in this small room with at least 20 babies if not more.  I asked them if I could take their picture for Cole in the future and they said yes.

After this we were taken to the foster parents apartment and they were not there.  They get one day off a week and this happened to be that day.  I was sad at first that we could not meet the foster Mom but I think God knew what he was doing.  Cole totally reacted when we went into the apartment but he did not want down and the helper Nannie (who watches the kids when the foster parents have a day off) was there but he did not want her.  He seemed very content to stay with me which made me feel really good and that we were doing the right thing. 

I am unable to post anymore pictures so I will continue on another post.